We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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