You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Drake has all the answers
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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