I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
