im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
