there's paper in my vomit.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
