her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
