We're facebook friends in real life
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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