when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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