we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
