allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
