My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
