I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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