i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
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I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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