I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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