Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
