fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
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Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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