you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
