Your mouth is God's brothel.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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