I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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