You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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