I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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