i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
