Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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