The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
