can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
