I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
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