I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
