Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize