maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
