I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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