he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
