My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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