Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
