singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
