I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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