my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
this beer tastes like vomit already
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize