I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
