you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
