This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
