I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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