You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
