he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
