I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
