Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
false alarm. still invincible.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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