yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
