it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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