Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
