she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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