She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
