I just cut my nipple shaving
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
