for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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