i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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