So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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