12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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