I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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