I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
