Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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