i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
