Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
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