here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
