don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
