Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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