How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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