at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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