Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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