apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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