My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
