chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
