it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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