"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
its not stalking. its research.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
