you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
