im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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