decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
