This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
