I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
