Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
