You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
fuck your aforementioned shoe
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Randomize
