thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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