i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
